We’re in Mercury retrograde. Again. It started yesterday and will continue through March 28, 2019. Consider yourself warned.

Before I got sober, I’d never even heard of Mercury retrograde. I can’t remember exactly when I first learned about it but, if memory serves (and it totally may not serve because my brain seems to be filled with more air than substance lately), it was “Let’s Destroy Mercury” by Jenny Lawson on her blog, The Bloggess, that caught my attention. How do I remember this and not full conversations with people? [insert shrugging shoulders emoji]

I read the post and then did some Googling. What I found seemed slightly logical; my research turned up possible explanations for some coincidental weirdness. But, I didn’t buy it. “Don’t get into all the planetary mumbo jumbo,” I told myself. That was then.

Ever since that day, I have physically and emotionally felt Mercury retrograde without even having to Google the dates. Sounds a bit dramatic. Right? I know. But I really have no other explanation.

Last summer was the worst to date. I can’t explain it. In August, I drove my car into stationary objects. Objects. Plural. Not once, but twice. On two separate days. About 10 days apart. I did a lot of damage to my less-than-a-year-old-brand-new-doesn’t-even-have-its-first-door-ding-yet car. The biggest car I have ever owned. The first car I have ever owned with sensors in the bumpers that are supposed to warn you when you are about to hit stuff. For days, the sensors had been randomly beeping when there was no danger whatsoever. Before I hit a parked car? Silence.

Oh, and I did I mention I did this sober? Yup. I never used to hit things when I was drunk. I’m not condoning drunk driving. Not at all. I’m just saying. I’ve seriously done more stupid shit like hitting things with my car and falling down stairs sober than I ever did drunk. Uh, except for that time in college when I ran down a hill full force into the wire fence around the baseball field. Yup. That left a mark. But it didn’t hurt one bit. Until the next morning.

Running errands the other day, I started clipping corners with my right rear tire. “Damn it,” I muttered. “Here we go again.” Yesterday, I celebrated not hitting anything (which is no simple feat with all the stinking snowbanks around here). Today, as I pulled into my driveway, the sensor on the right front bumper started beeping at me. For no reason. I stopped the car. Got out and looked at the bumper. Whacked the sensor with the heel of my hand. Gave it a gentle kick with my boot. Moved on.

Is this all because a planet hopped into the passing lane and stuck out its tongue while speeding past Earth and leaving us in its dust? Some will say it is.

I mean, according to Astrology Zone, transportation is included under Mercury’s domain and retrograde can cause quite a commotion. In her article “Everything You Need to Know About Mercury Retrograde,” Susan Miller explains:

“Why does this happen? When a planet retrogrades, astrologically it is in a resting or sleeping state. Therefore, while Mercury naps, the activities that it governs don’t have the benefit of a well-functioning, wide-awake planet to supervise them. Expect a certain degree of pandemonium to ensue!”

This time around, I am trying to be somewhat proactive. Today I went through the car wash and then vacuumed out some of the winter grime, and so freaking many French fries! Next week, I have a service appointment for an oil change and tire rotation. Hey, a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. Loving on my vehicle a little can’t possibly hurt.

And, times like these are precisely why I now drive with a silver Syd on my dash. No joke.

Miller goes on to say, “Computers, high tech items, appliances, automobiles, and other machines and electronics are highly susceptible to Mercury in a retrograde period. Mercury rules moving parts, so that can be one reason.”

Ahem, I just paid off my computer. Yesterday it blue screened and today it has been freezing and I’ve had to reboot it five times.

Also under Mercury’s domain is communication. While cooking dinner tonight, I asked Alexa to play me some Billy Joel. She served up Chicago.

Coincidence? You decide. It’s starting to feel a bit much if you ask me.

All I know is I’m going to take precautions and stay on high alert for the next three weeks. I’m trusting my gut on this one. Let’s hope when the dust settles my bank account isn’t empty.

Do you have any good Mercury retrograde stories? Please share them in the comments …